I often wonder, "Why am I me?"
What makes me special in this world of reality?
Why am I here in this place right now?
Who is this person, a field mostly unplowed?
What have I done to benefit our earth?
Going back from now to the day of my birth,
I haven't scaled any mountains to date
I'm neither rich nor famous nor have accomplished anything great!
I'm just an ordinary citizen, living an ordinary life
Some days go well, some are riddled with strife,
I fell in love at twenty way back in '67
He made my mundane life feel like I had discovered my heaven.
The Viet Nam War was raging at that time
We married in '68 in a world that was not sublime,
My love, my husband was a soldier you see
We once again had to face this world of reality.
We decided to have a baby in this world that's not quite right
Six weeks after our son was born, his father was sent off to fight,
Having to move back home to live with my mom and dad
Was not the best arrangement we could have had.
Our son became my lifeline, my lifesaving link
Bringing me back time and again from a destructive brink,
Hubby came back after a heartbreaking year
To see his handsome face again brought on many a tear.
We finally settled down as the perfect family
Yet exactly a year later in pops this world of reality,
A second time he had to go off to war
It tore at my heart right down to its core.
We bought a little home and we moved right in
Wondering if anyone in this war would ever win!
Another year passed as our young son grew in height
Having only his mother just didn't seem right.
Yet we had made our decision to do it this way
In case something happened, a part of Daddy would stay,
My love returned, but his smile was no more
Taken from him by this senseless Viet Nam War.
Who is this stranger, my husband, my friend?
Who robbed his essence, my perfect blend?
Beginning all over from the very start
Can I keep hanging on with this shattered heart?
His fathering skills are extremely lacking
With no energy left for backtracking,
So onward through life we must go
Facing a future that we just don't know.
God had blessed us with another baby on the way
Could this baby be the answer to brighten our day?
Orders came once more, to Virginia he went
But insisted that we stay behind, all by tears were soon spent.
He called not long after, saying how he missed me so much
Missing my loving, missing my touch,
But he didn't count on my stubborn streak
He had had his chance, now it was time for me to speak.
"I waited so long for you to come back
But you decided to go alone, decided to pack,
Left me here with one toddler, another one on the way
We are not going to come to you, we are going to stay."
The baby came too early, two months sooner than planned
She was so very tiny, I wasn't allowed to even hold her hand,
Her Daddy didn't come, he was more stubborn than I
Not knowing for two weeks if she'd live or she'd die.
Many heart-wrenching prayers were said in her stead
Still no sign of my love, the man I had wed,
A month in the hospital our daughter had to stay
Hoping and praying for her daddy's coming home day.
It was so hard, especially on our son
He didn't understand what he had done,
To this very day, over thirty-three years since then
The invisible scars are still visible to him.
Too many things have happened throughout the years
Too many emotions, too many tears,
To chronicle every aspect, every moment in time
Living through the heartache is theirs and it's mine.
We had three more children, all were girls
A set of twins and a single making our life swirl,
We hung on for better or for worse through our life
And we still remain to this day husband and wife.
We have been through so much, it's foolish to give in
After all, in the beginning, we were the perfect blend,
We just had to try harder, within this world of reality
And yes I still continue my search into "Why am I me?"
|
